SPECIAL TALENTS

It’s been explained to me that while my good points may out-weigh my bad points the margin of difference is not very much. I have constantly been told that while I continue to make money I will be tolerated, but not for one second longer. “If you quit making more money than you spend we’re gonna lock you up,” my family used to say to me, often, and they weren’t kidding.

I do however have several “special talents” that come in handy and are quite rare and sometimes even very useful. For instance not many people can cook good Hot Wings on the grill and I mean excellent Hot Wings. Never any left-overs, and people have been know to drive hundred’s of miles through all kinds of weather at the mere possibility of me making my “Grilled Hot Wings.”

My personal favorite special talent is an unusual ability to see identifying marks on people (usually on their forehead) that indicate in the form of a letter that person’s particular peculiarity. I see that guy with the big “C” etched into his skull, again, invisible to all but me, and I steer myself and everyone with me clear of this “Crazy” person.

There are more “I”’s than “C”’s. Therefore I have become very proficient at getting Idiots to be somewhat useful as there are too many of them to waste. It soon became obvious that in order to get things done I would need to get the “I” people to be able to do something helpful to the cause. It’s relatively easy if you are immediately aware of the fact you are dealing with an idiot; simply make sure whatever chore you’ve assigned them is almost impossible to screw up.

Most “S” smart people are smart enough to have figured out a way to eliminate the mark, or they just don’t get one when they’re born. If I see an “S” I know for sure it doesn’t mean smart, and can verify this fact anyway with ease. The “S” usually stands for “Sloppy” but can also mean “Sex”. If you so inclined one can again easily find out.

My favorite is the letter “N” which stands for “Nice”. Not too many of those but almost always where you would expect them. Few surprises with genuine nice people, well, because, they are genuinely nice.

If you ask I may tell you what letter you’re wearing, but probably not. I haven’t told anyone yet.

Dan Mc